when adults raid the easter baskets....

Yes, we liberated a handfull of SweeTarts (so cute in bunny form!) from the Easter baskets.
 

Yes, we put them in the blender.
 

And added vodka.
 

And drank it.


And yes, we did get one helluva sugar rush complete with vodka buzz.

THERE ...ARE...5...BLUEBERRIES!

**sigh**

Anyone remember that old Start Trek The Next Generation episode where Picard is captured and tortured? They were trying to break him down with lights. 5 of them. That's exactly how it felt tonight at supper with my daughter and her 5 blueberries. She was only going to eat 4. She turned 4. 4 bites. 4 berries. AND NOT A BERRY MORE. She knew what the rules were going in and she was not going beyond what was absolutely required.

**sigh**

Aw, torture....

drunken hair cutting aka happy birthday to me!

Ok, it's my birthday. And I have had a few drinks. And we just re-cut my old bangs. Wahoo! Here was our guide. According to my husband who has no formal hair cutting training, "This guy really seems to know what he is doing"...

So far, I love them. Tomorrow when sober? Will keep you posted...

UPDATE:
Shockingly, not so bad! But we did miss a spot...

no shampoo:week 4

Wow, really?? 4??? Huh. I love it and I haven't figured it out. I love that my hair is softer and fluffier yet I haven't managed to figure out how to style it to take advantage of those new pluses. The new bangs aren't helping. Remember the bang dillema? No?

I had a bang dilemma a few weeks ago. I wanted some. I wanted some edgy-funky-Portland style bangs. I half got them. The other half remind me of 6th grade and they are fighting my grown out/grown up long side swept bangs. Were I a more patient person, I would wait till they grow a little and achieve that style on their own. But no. I can't do that. I am slowly cutting the grown out bangs to win over their 6th grade counterparts. Wish me luck!

All that aside, I really can't see myself going back to actual shampoo. It doesn't make a remarkable enough difference for me to switch back and now I have a little extra pocket change for a slightly nicer bottle of wine. Not a bad trade off...

no shampoo, week 2

Oh what a difference 2 weeks makes. My hair has been through hell, a beehive and back and I think it is turning a corner. I have stuck to baking soda every other day and today is my first non-soda day where I didn't feel like a vat of grease. Hurray! And my hair feels a lot softer. Dare I say it even looks shinier? Definitely healthier but most of that comes from the haircut I got yesterday. Can't wait to see what it is like in another week...

toxic mini fart: noun

Def: A very small, silent fart that REALLY smells.

This is courtesy of my 9 yr old son. He coined the phrase and I am giving him full credit for its fabulousness. Especially since it was introduced in close quarters during movie night last night. I didn't think he could top some of the stuff he came up with as a toddler, but he lives to prove me wrong.

Well done!

gallows humor, mom style

You know how police make jokes about the crazy stuff they deal with to stay sane? So do moms. Handing my daughter an organic fruit leather yesterday in the car with friends on the way to a morning outing prompted this string of gems that comes partly from having kids and mostly from having kids in Portland. It all started with the observation that kids in this town wouldn't be swayed to go with a stranger just by the lure of candy any more...

"Is that an organic sucker made with all natural fruit juice? No? Sorry, can't go with you mister."

"I'm not allowed to have sugar."

"Does your van run on bio-diesal? I am supposed to watch my carbon foot print. Don't you have a bike trailer?"

"Unless it's a hybrid, I won't get in."

You get the idea. It let me blow off steam and I needed that laugh...

ode to baking soda

It's not just for baking cookies anymore. Or even cleaning my stove. Currently it's what's cleaning my hair.

Per the instructions I came across online, I have been using 1 tablespoon of baking soda in 1 cup of water on my hair in the shower to clean it. I have been doing that every other day followed by a solution of apple cider vinegar of the same proportions.

Results? I am still in the transitional phase. Normally my hair is nasty on the 2nd day of not showering. I feel like the grease starts at the top and slowly flows down my head all day. Not pleasant. I am hanging in there though. I am dreaming of hair that is naturally shiny and not frizzy which are some of the claims from woman who have decided to go down this road.

Week 1. No better, no worse from no shampoo.

i think i have lived in portland too long...

Why? What makes me think I have lived here too long? Well, between my husband, Mr. Recycle-the-tiny-plastic-containers-my-contacts-come-in, and this crazy, hippy, crunchy granola green town, I am attempting to ditch my shampoo. And my noxious face cleansers. AT THE SAME TIME.

It must be the guilt over the fact that I wear more than just Birkenstocks. Or maybe it's the allure of having great hair without having to use 8 styling products in addition to hairdryers and curling irons. Or maybe winter has just gotten to me and I need to do something new. Whatever it is, I am going for it.

Thanks to this blog post I came across the other day, I am inspired. I am on day 3 of no shampoo and I have to admit that my hair is much softer and feels healthier. As for the styling end of things? It's amazing what a pony tail can achieve. I'll keep you posted...

The other thing that intrigued me was the whole Oil Cleansing thing. I can't stand having anything on my face and the thought of deliberately putting oil on it makes my skin crawl in a most unnerving way but if it means I can ditch using products that I had to stop using while pregnant, well, maybe I should stop using them on principle even when I am happily non-gestating.

It goes without saying that my sister thinks I am nuts. At best she is cautiously optimistic for me but more than happy to let me be the guinea pig. After all, she has only been here 3 years. It will be interesting to see what she comes up with to try after 7 more here....

i am seasonally allergic to my christmas tree

Well, as it was pointed out to me last year, I have seasonal allergies in the winter as well as the fall. This year I discovered just what it is that I am allergic to. My fresh cut Christmas tree.

Yup. The tree. I can't begin to tell you how heartbreaking that is. Especially since, after YEARS of painful trial and error in ways to obtain a tree, I finally found the perfect place. Right across from my favorite coffee shop is a tree lot. After gorging ourselves on pastries we simply walked across the street and had a tree picked out in 10 minutes. They shook it (my brother-in-law has a delightful story about the year they brought a family of mice in inside the tree), wrapped it and we tossed it easily on the car. At last! A Christmas tradition!

24 hours later I couldn't breath out of my nose. Oh well, that's what my left over nasal spray is for. Some day I will succumb to an after Christmas sale of a pre-lit artificial tree and when that day comes I am going for the most deliciously kitchy, fake tree I can find. Until then you'll hear me snoring like a freight train during the holidays...

on the 12th day of christmas...

My true love gave to me, MY INTERNET ACCESS BACK! Complete with an industrial firewall to kick any future trojan's ass. Shouldn't a Trojan, by modern definition, be protecting me by providing a barrier to unwanted intruders???? Not the other way around???? Fucking computer hackers...
I have been battling a computer virus for about 6 weeks now and am hoping against hope that I am cured. I may still have the sniffles, but I just can't stay in bed anymore. That said, I am hoping to burst forth with over a month's worth of crap that has been rattling around in my head beginning with the very picture I was dying to post when the computer blew up. It's of my husband's uncanny ability to continue using things even after Al Gore would have tossed them out. Exhibit A was the duct tape sandals.

Exhibit B is this:
 
That, my friends, is the saddest jig saw in all the land. The base plate broke off the bottom BUT HE WOULD NOT BE DENIED HIS TOOL. Nor would he go buy a new one so armed with some wood and a few tubes of epoxy, he "fixed" it.

"i am boring....."

What she meant, obviously, was "I am bored", but God bless the 3 yr old for calling it like it is. I could only nod and agree that yes, yes she was indeed boring.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That was my daughter's greeting this morning. She came down the stairs crying bloody murder about something while I was attempting to finish exercising.

"What in the world is wrong???"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

"Sweetie, you have to calm down so I can understand you."

"I DON'T WANT A RICE CHECK!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Wha??? Rice check? .......But we don't have Rice Chex in the house? All we have are Rice Crisp....... OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!

"Oh honey, the lice check will be really quick. All we have to do is comb through and look. It shouldn't hurt at all!"

"maybe it's a safety feature..."

That is the quote I overheard from a 1st Grader this morning standing in the halls of my son's elementary school after dropping him off. The statement would be humorous enough coming from a kid that age but let me build the scene a little for you to thoroughly get why I nearly had to leave the room laughing...

Two 1st Graders, for whatever reason, go out to an outlet in the hallway with 2 electric pencil sharpeners and a whole pile of #2 pencils. And they procede to do the pencil sharpening equilalent of "grind it till you find it" to sharpen the whole stack. Every morning. All school year long. It's particularly entertaining seeing them do this on rainy days since they plunk their box down more or less in the middle of giant tracks of water and procede to plug in their sharpeners without a care in the world. Aw, youth....

What got me this morning was that one of the kids was having trouble. His sharpener was making noise, but not actually sharpening. He wasn't about to abandon his job yet to either seek a manual sharpener or another electric one. Oh no. He was going to do some investigating. Like sticking his finger in the side while the pencil was jammed in and motor spinning. (!!!!) That not producing results, he grabbed the piece of plastic he had removed to put his finger in. It was at this point he made the observation that "maybe it's a safety feature..." and I nearly lost my shit laughing.

my tv likes to kick it old school...

 
Keep looking.... Do you see them? Yup, rabbit ears. Held up by string, twist ties and binder clips to get **just** the right reception.

100%!

Unfortunately, that's the forecast for rain this weekend and not something to celebrate. Unless you feel the need to celebrate the return of the rainy season, in which case, I'll drink to that!

http://forecast.weather.gov/MapClick.php?CityName=Portland&state=OR&site=PQR&textField1=45.5171&textField2=-122.68

lucky number 13

Does anyone else hear the fanfare? The Halleluja Chorus? The angels singing from heaven? No? It must be getting drowned out by the raging wind and rain but I hear it! I do!! Why? Because on this, the 13th of October, WE FINALLY TURNED THE HEAT ON.

10 years???

Oh man. When you realize it has been a DECADE since a cultural touchstone, you feel friggin' old. Well, I feel friggin' old. Apparently it has been 10 years since The Blair Witch Project had people pukin' in the theaters and somehow that time has gone by in a blink (and 2 kids).

**sigh**

on the level...

This is a desk for an 9 yr old boy whose bedroom is in the basement. Yes, that's a level. Yes, that is pipe underneath it to balance out just how unlevel the basement floor slab is. No, I have no idea what my husband has planned to level the desk without the use of the pipe. Personally, I would just let him deal with pencils rolling - hence the pencil cup I bought him. All I know is, it will not involve me and any more decoupage glue...

damn you, garbonzo beans...

"Look at us! You paid for us and are WASTING US!!"

This is the one thing I have gotten from the CSA that I just can't for the life of me figure out what to do with. And not only does that vex me, but they taunt me sitting on my counter.