is it illegal to use a cattle prod as an alarm clock?

I am that close to buying one online to use on my husband. I love him but I can't take waking up with him on an average morning. Now, I am not someone who jumps out of bed singing Disney songs with animated blue birds but I can manage to get up after my alarm goes off. My husband has no such ability. A full 30 minutes after the 2nd alarm it is not unheard of for him to still be lounging mostly asleep waiting for the apocolypse to signal his need to REALLY have to get up and go to work.

Normally, this is not a big deal. Annoying as shit? Absolutely. But a big deal, not really. However, now he is the one in charge of getting the 5 year old up and dressed and breakfast for us both. In addition to getting himself dressed and out the door to catch a bus. Any female will tell you this is impossible in 35 minutes but for some reason in the completely male region of his brain, he thinks this can all be accomplished and done without tears, yelling and swearing. Well, I am hear to tell you, it hasn't happened yet but I for one will be keeping my fingers crossed. And then I will be wrapping them around the cattle prod when the second alarm goes off...